parker palmer oor leer lewe

gedagtes vir lewe

– geinspireer deur parker palmer – 73 jaar oud, amerikaanse man wat deur moeilike leeftye is – uit sy itunes u praatjie – junie 2012 geluister

+ donker, moeilike tye is deel van lewe – dis deel van die siklus van geestelike lewe, soos die natuurlike lewe

+ mens het ‘n BAIE sterker, waardevoller krag diep in jou, sterker as ego, emosies, intellek = GOD in jou – dis waar jou ware krag is

+ depressie is ‘n lewende hel – dark side of the moon, snake pit of the soul – ‘n plek waaruit ‘n mens kan kom..

+ Dieptes van swaarkry is deel van die misterie van die lewe – misteries werk nie met eenvoudige oplossings nie

Embracing the mystery of depression does not mean passivity or resignation. It means entering into a field of forces that seems alien but is in fact our deepest self. It means waiting, watching, listening, suffering, and gathering whatever self-knowledge we can —

Kies daarom jou selfkennis wat jy jouself laat voel en laat gaan dit wat nie jy is nie – hartekennis, kennis van jou as volledige mens, sterktes en swakhede – jou persoonlike waarhede

+ depressie is die diskonnekksie tussen gedagtes en hart, tussen gedagtes en belewing… ook tussen selfsiening en openbare beeld

jy voel afgesny, onsigbaar

+ depressie/swaarkry gaan oor groei van innerlike lewe, innerlike reis

+ lewe word problematies as dit ONBEGROND is, op hoge HOOGTES bly – hoogtes wat inherent onveilig is – jy kan val, faal, seerkry, MAAR kan weer opstaan, jou voete vind op die grond – van wie jy is, waaroor jy gaan, wat jy goed doen

+ Mens leef baie maklik te hoog – jy dink jy is intellektueel, slim, rasioneel, leef in jou kop…

jy hanteer jou geloofslewe en interaksie met God as intellektueel, abstrak, en nie fisies, embodied, liggaamlik, innerlik nie

jy leef met ‘n skeefgetrekte idee van wat jy behoort te doen, behoort te wees eerder as insig in jou eie realiteit, werklikhede – insight into my own reality, into what was true and possible and life-giving for me.

wat jy BEHOORT TE DOEN word jou dryfkrag – en mislukking sien jy dan as jou skuld, as jou swakheid as ongelowige

+ SOEK JOU WARE SELF

Thomas Merton calls “true self.” This is not the ego self that wants to inflate us (or deflate us, another form of self-distortion), not the intellectual self that wants to hover above the mess of life in clear but ungrounded ideas, not the ethical self that wants to live by an abstract moral code. It is the self planted in us. By the God who made us in God’s image, the self that wants nothing more, or less, than for us to be who we were created to be.

True self is true friend. We ignore or reject such friendship only at our peril.

+ GEESTELIKE REIS:

The spiritual journey is full of paradoxes, and one of them that the humiliation that brings us down— down to ground on which it is safe to stand and to fall— eventually takes us to a firmer and fuller sense of self. When people ask me how it felt to emerge from depression, I can give only one answer: I felt at home in my own skin, and at home on the face of the earth, for the first time.

+ ENIGEEN WAT ‘N PERSOON WAT DEPRESSIE ERVAAR WIL HELP:

1. VERMY eenvoudige raad, godsdienstige raad, wetenskaplike raad –

2. ADVIES maak mens meer depressief – jy weet dinge intellektueel [dis ‘n mooi dag], maar mens is afgestomp – jy kan die mooi nie ervaar nie –

Depression is the ultimate state of disconnection, not only between one’s mind and one’s feelings. To be reminded of that disconnection only deepened my despair.

Advies gee doen net die een goed wat die advies gee en laat die een wat swaarkry nog meer swaarkry

3. Beter om net daar te wees vir die een wat swaarkry –

That is the kind of love my friend offered. He never tried to invade my awful inwardness with false comfort or advice, but simply stood on its boundaries, modeling the respect for me and my journey— and the courage to let it be— that I myself needed if I were to endure.

Rilke describes a kind of love that neither avoids nor invades the soul’s suffering. It is a love in which we can represent God’s presence to a suffering person, a God who does not “fix” us but gives us strength by suffering with us. By standing respectfully and faithfully at the borders of another’s solitude, we may mediate the love of God to a person who needs something deeper than any human being can give.

+ verbeel jou: depressie is nie die hand van ‘n vyand wat jou die grond in wil druk nie – dis die hand van ‘n vriend wat jou wil help afdruk sodat jy weer jou voete op die grond kan voel, vind, hou

+ SOEKE NA WARE SELF, SELF AS GEHEEL-MENS, GEESTLIKE MENSE, GROEIENDE MENS

When I ignored my own truth on behalf of a distorted ego and ethic, I led a false life that caused others pain—for which I can only ask forgiveness. When I stated attending to my own truth, more of that truth became available in my work and my relationships. I now know that anything we can do on behalf of true self is done ultimately in the service of others.

I was finally able to say yes to life, a choice for which I am grateful beyond words, though how I found that yes remains a mystery to me. At one fork in the long road back to wholeness, I had an experience that led to this poem. I offer it, along with my unknowing, as a word of hope to anyone who may be enduring the harrowing of depression:

“Harrowing”

The plow has savaged this sweet field
Misshapen clods of earth kicked up
Rocks and twisted roots exposed to view
Last year’s growth demolished by the blade.

I have plowed my life this way
Turned over a whole history
Looking for the roots of what went wrong
Until my face is ravaged, furrowed, scared.

Enough. The job is done.
Whatever’s been uprooted, let it be
Seedbed for the growing that’s to come
I plowed to unearth last year’s reasons—

The farmer plows to plant a greening season.

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